What Other People Say/Do is Not About You

There you are, minding your own businesses and boom, someone lashes out at you for something that happened at the office. You get called ALL of the names, curses, and derogatory remarks.

Or maybe you’re driving your car and you make the mistake of cutting someone off because they were in your blind spot and you couldn’t see them. You quickly re-adjust only to have them come speeding up next to you to show you the proverbial, “bird” and then drive off.

How do you react? Lash out in return and turn it into a shouting match? Ignore them? Gossip about them later, “Did you see him/her explode earlier? They need some serious anger management.”

There isn’t a day that goes by where someone doesn’t mutter something under their breath about someone, yell at someone, act rude, or stab someone in the back. We’ve all been guilty and we’ve all been a party to it in some way, shape, form or fashion.

“In this blog, Coach Tribby and Coach Oriana discuss how you can stop being the victim of needless suffering when you become immune to the opinions and actions of others.”

Here’s the thing, you must realize that other people’s opinions and actions have nothing to do with you as a person. When someone lashes out it says more about them than it ever will about you. Remember that the next time you feel compelled to let someone have it.

If someone calls you stupid, arrogant, a jerk, or a cotton-headed ninny muggins (ELF movie) does it actually mean that you are? Of course not. While our words have the power to heal or to cut, we are the ones that give those words that power to do so.

We never really know what it is other people have going on in their lives. The person who was rude to you and yelled obscenities in the car because you cut them off by accident could very well be getting cut off in the middle of a thought by their boss or their spouse on a regular basis.

The person who lost their patience with you in the line at the drive-thru window could be losing sleep every night with a sick toddler. That’s enough to test anyone’s patience.

You don’t really know, but when you give those words power and control over you, you are demonstrating the lack of value and negative beliefs within yourself. You may even start to think, “Maybe I deserve to be yelled at or called names.” Your reactions confirm that you believe that what they’re saying about you could be true (to you, at least).

Instead, you must learn to discover your true self and become firm in your beliefs about who you are and you will clearly be able to understand that what these people are saying to you is not really about you. You will able to shrug it off and show them a brief moment of grace by thinking, “Wow, they must have something really stressful going in their lives. I’m going to say a quick prayer for them.” And then move on about your day.

This type of situation is NOT solely reserved for rude or disrespectful comments either. The same could be said about positive language. If someone gives you a compliment on your clothes, your hair, your bag, etc. how does that affect your day?

Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to be paid a compliment; however, does it really matter if they like your shirt? Or does it matter more what you think of the shirt you’re wearing?

Whether or not someone compliments your hair style or insults it, it really only matters what you think about it. The problem is so many of us choose to let those words rent space in our minds for free. We give power to the insults and feel we have to change our hair to better suit someone else or we give power to the compliment to hold ourselves in higher regard than someone whom we perceive to have a lesser hair cut.

Do you see how this circus goes round and round and never stops?

How do you get out of this maze?

Take your power back. Start deciding what it is you hold of value and how you define yourself. Do you like who you are? Is your self-image pleasing to you? If not, make the conscious choice to do the work and change that. The truth is, only you can make a decision to change you.

Make the change so solid and so concrete that the words and actions of others have no bearing on you - whether these are positive or negative.

This blog post was inspired by the second of the four agreements, “Don’t Take Anything Personally”, in the best-selling book by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements.

Stay Edgy-

Coach Daniel Tribby, ATC, CNP

Co-Founder, The Edgy Entrepreneur

© Edgy Entrepreneur, LLC. • 51 E. Jefferson St. #3292, Orlando, FL 32802 • www.edgyentrepreneurs.com