Finding the Right Partnerships Depends on Shared Values
If you’ve read any of our previous blogs you know that we firmly believe in order to experience happy, healthy partnerships in romantic or business relationships, you must have a set of shared values that support mutual growth, love, and contribution.
Many of us choose partners based upon monetary value, status, optics, or aesthetics. This ultimately will leave you unsatisfied in emotionally disconnected relationships and constantly searching for fulfillment in other areas. This is the reason we see people jump from job to job or relationship to relationship all the while complaining, “It just wasn’t a good match.”
In order to ensure that your partnerships are fulfilling, motivating, and sustainable, you must align yourself with people that have a shared value system.
So, how do you find that match? That is what we will break down in this week’s blog. Create quality relationships in all aspects of your life when you:
Get clear on your own personal values
Identify why they are important to you
Find others to create sustainable relationships with
What are values?
A value is an emotional state we believe to be important. We either want to experience more of a certain positive value or avoid the painful ones.
First, you must be aware of what your value systems are. Are they serving you? Awareness is always first. Once you have awareness you can then make the necessary changes to any value that isn’t serving you.
For example: You may VALUE the feeling of freedom that having more money brings you; however, you have a spouse that has a bad money mindset or you for a company that mismanages their revenue. Great value - bad alignment.
If you want to close the gap between the person you are now and the one you want to be; have the romantic relationship you desire; or the ideal job you have, you best take a look at your value systems.
Here are some questions you might ask yourself to decide what your values are:
What do you value in a romantic partner?
What do you bring to the table in your values (business or personal relationship) that might be desireable to others?
How would you raise children if you desired to have them?
What do you value in your work setting?
What kind of friend do you desire to be?
What kind of friends do you value having in your life?
And when you’re answering these questions be sure to answer them with emotion and not with things like, “I’m an honest hard worker with integrity.” Or, “I can cook, clean, and do the laundry.” Duh. We hope so. These are not values.
Your answers to these questions should involve things like valuing connection, growth, and contribution. How do you value love in your life? What does that feel like? When you have a strong connection with someone what does that actually look like. Hint, it’s more than meets the eye.
What is it that you desire in that romantic relationship from your partner? Example: You value connection (value) with your partner through quality time (love language) but you keep dating people who are workaholics and you never get to spend time with them. When you do they’re always working and not really present. Great value - poor alignment.
How will you show up powerfully at work each day for yourself, your business, or your clients? What does the company stand for that you desire to work with? Example: Let’s use the same situation as above. You value quality time with your family when you’re not at work. You don’t want distractions from work because you want to be fully present at home, but your boss intrudes on this by demanding long hours and accessibility to you any time. Bad alignment in values.
“Passion alone is not enough to create sustainable long term happiness.”
Why are values important?
Knowing the answers to the questions above will serve as a filter for every partnership you enter. If the visions don’t align, move on to the next regardless of the money you may miss out on or how physically attracted you might be to that person. When the values don’t align, there will be no longevity of the relationship and therefore potential restlessness and unhappiness.
The most successful people in the world say, “No,” to almost everything. Why? Because they have decided what their values are and every decision they make is based on protecting those values. The more clear you are on your values the more you can attract those in alignment with them.
As far as businesses go, you can find out what they stand for by simply looking at their vision and mission statements. Vision and mission statements of a good company (or even of your own) will show you the values of that business. Do you align with them? If not, move on to the next.
If you have your own business be sure you are in congruence with the values you have as a person and with the values you portray as a business. If this is lacking, so will your connection to the business. After all, you wouldn’t hire, work for/with, or take on any client with poor ethics and values.
Let’s look at a romantic example. As a male, you value the love and connection you get from sexual intimacy and you desire this intimacy on a daily basis. Your partner doesn’t necessarily hold the same value on sexual intimacy. This ultimately causes friction in your relationship. Bad alignment and poor communication of expectations.
If you’re a parent you should also make sure you find alignment on how you will raise your children. What does praise look like in your home? What does punishment look like. Nothing will cut the intimacy in relationships quicker than malalignment of parental values.
Passion alone is not enough to create sustainable long term happiness. If you are not living all aspects of your life in congruence with your values, you will feel a sense of disconnection.
How do you find quality partnerships that are aligned?
Once you have established your values and have decided to use them as a filter, it becomes very easy to say yes and no to certain relationships or potential business opportunities. Just like any other pattern for growth in your life, you must seek out tribes that have similar values. In the beginning this can be difficult and you will potentially spend some significant time on your own. THIS IS OKAY. Time alone allows you to further develop positive, healthy boundaries. Remember, boundaries are for YOU.
Ask yourself what are the psychographics and demographics of the people whom you desire to be like or welcome into your life. Where do they hang out? What do they do? Go there. Open yourself up to the idea that you must be willing to be uncomfortable in order to continue this growth pattern.
What questions would you ask a potential partner about their values? We often ask about long term and short term goals because we want to know that we will have status when we join forces with another person or business. What about their values? Don’t be afraid to ask. People who have done the work will understand your questions.
Do not attempt to coach up your partners. If you’re thinking, “I can fix them,'‘ this never ends well and can leave others feeling like they are your project. Instead, seek someone who has done the work and positively hold them accountable to their values. This shows you care enough about them to hold them to their integrity.
Conclusion
If you desire to grow as business owner, surround yourself with other like minded business owners who have the same desire and who have been where it is you desire to go. Learn from them. We all need guides and mentors in our lives.
If you desire to have personal high value relationships with others, find those people who have done the work already. Learn from them. Which coaches could you learn from? What high value people are talking about relationships and how to cultivate healthy ones? We are in the knowledge age and there are lots of people discussing these topics. Get involved in that learning process.
Hire a coach! We have said this over and over again. A coach can help you see things in yourself that you can not see on your own. They can also help you identify value systems that are not serving you and help develop new ones that will potentially create your desired life.
When you have alignment in your values with those you work with and those at home you open yourself up to happiness and purpose. Wouldn’t it be great to walk WITH people moving in the same direction? When the values align this is what happens - you deepen all the relationships in your life.
Stay Edgy-
Coach Daniel Tribby, ATC, CNP
Co-Founder, The Edgy Entrepreneur
© Edgy Entrepreneur, LLC. • 51 E. Jefferson St. #3292, Orlando, FL 32802 • www.edgyentrepreneurs.com
