The Art of Giving & Receiving
“Always remember, it’s better to give than receive.” How many times have you heard this phrase? I remember hearing this predominantly from my grandparents as a kid. My grandparents were amazing, God-loving, 3x a week church-goers, community-involved people. They were always ready and willing to give time, money, or compassion; BUT the first thing out of their mouth when someone gave back to them….?
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“No no, we couldn’t possibly accept that.”
“This is just too much.”
“Well can I at least pay you for it?”
As you read this you’re most likely already identifying times when either you’ve responded like this when someone gave you a gift, or someone close to you has done it to you when you gave them a gift.
Why does it seem that many people believe that it’s not only “better” to give, but that receiving is a less desirable position? Why does receiving make some people so uncomfortable? You’ll discover the answers to these questions as you read this blog. With it being so close to the holidays - reframing your beliefs on giving and receiving will make your holiday experience all the more merry and bright.
Before we can talk about the ability to receive, let’s first identify 3 thoughtful aspects of giving. These are important to understanding the sentiments of a giver. When we are not joyful receivers we potentially violate these aspects of giving:
Giving without expectation: if you’re giving with an expectation of a thank you or gift in return, you truly are not giving from your heart. A true giver is one who gives from their heart without expectation.
Giving with appreciation: When you give a gift it should NEVER be about the gift. It should be about the person you are giving it to. The gift should be a representation of your appreciation for them or empathy for their situation. Never sympathy or because it’s a holiday or birthday. Minus kids. Kids are just hungry toy monsters. HAHA.
Giving brings joy to the giver: think about how good if feels to give to someone. It makes no difference if that gift is time, money, a present, or compassion. Giving brings joy.
So, if you know and relate to these 3 sentiments that come about as the result of giving, let me ask you a question: If giving a gift gives you so much personal joy; why would you ever rob someone else from experiencing that same feeling because of an inability to receive?
“If giving a gift gives you so much personal joy, then who are you to rob someone else of that same feeling?”
This is what happens inside the giver when someone is a bad receiver. They feel robbed of the joy of giving a gift. Have you ever thought to yourself, “Why can’t they just appreciate the gift and say thanks? Makes me wanna take it back. Ungrateful bast…”
Or maybe you’ve been the person doing the robbing. Why are some people uncomfortable to receive?
Unworthiness/self-doubt: There are a lot of stories that people tell themselves. False stories that sound like this:
“I don’t deserve this”
“They think I need their help”
“They think less of me”
“I could’ve bought this for myself, I just didn’t want to”
“They did that for me, now I feel bad that I don’t have anything to give them.”
The truth of the matter is we all struggle with wanting to feel worthy in some area in our life. If I’m worthy, then I am worthy of love. We’re all worthy of love, blessings, someone’s time, a gift, a hug, a compliment…. all of it. You are worthy.
Our values & beliefs: values are emotional states we believe are important. We desire to experience more of the pleasure based values and avoid the pain based ones. Your beliefs are the rules you apply to your values. Many people have strong values but have applied the wrong beliefs (or rules) to their values.
Here’s an example: I value love, but I don’t want to have to work too hard to get it. So love is the value, but the belief system around how to get it is misaligned. Love takes work on both sides to be fulfilling. If you don’t want to work for it then you truly don’t want it. This causes a clash between values and beliefs. So ask yourself, what is the belief system you place around giving and receiving. Is it true? Or is it time for a new rule?
Delays are not denials: This is for my spiritual people who pray for blessings or believe in putting desires out into the universe. It doesn’t matter to me what you believe in - God, gods, or the universe. You will attract what it is you put out there. The problem is people put a desire or a prayer out there and then become blind to everything except what they asked for. They believe that God or the universe will deliver the exact thing they asked for in the exact way they asked for it. This is simply not the case.
Do you believe that if you desire more courage that you automatically get washed in magic courage dust? Or do you believe that if courage is truly what you desire then you will have more opportunities to demonstrate courage? Be sure to be on the look out for the opportunity to receive what you’re asking for rather than the tangible item you seek. Just because you want something and it doesn’t come NOW, doesn’t mean it won’t - delays are not denials. We must be on the look out for those things we desire to receive.
How should you react when you receive a meaningful expression of giving - time, money, tangible gift, compassion, a compliment, etc?
Receive it with loving kindness and gratitude and let it show in your facial expression, body language, and tone. Say, “thank you”.
Don't brush it off or try to turn it down. Say, “thank you”.
Don't criticize the gift (“Well this nice, but I really wanted the blue one.” - My Child). Say, “thank you”.
Tell them what it means to you to be appreciated, recognized, or celebrated. Say, “thank you”.
Do not feel like you have to reciprocate - just say, “thank you” and show appreciation
SAY, “THANK YOU”
When we learn to receive we open ourselves up to more blessings. When we close ourselves off with insecurity, self-doubt, or unworthiness we are subconsciously closing ourselves off from abundance. You were not put here to live scarcely - you were put here to live a life of abundance.
So during the holidays this year, practice the art of receiving joyously. You deserve the blessing and so does the person giving you the gift.
Stay Edgy-
Coach Daniel Tribby, ATC, CNP
Co-Founder, The Edgy Entrepreneur
© Edgy Entrepreneur, LLC. • 51 E. Jefferson St. #3292, Orlando, FL 32802 • www.edgyentrepreneurs.com
