Enhanced Communication Skills: How to Read in Between the Lines
To read between the lines is to look for or understand a hidden meaning, information, or an implied message that is not actually stated or obvious from outward appearance.
When you read between the lines, you’re not taking what’s being communicated at face value. This can apply to written words, verbal statements, general information, or situations.
What is in between the lines and how can you benefit from figuring out how to uncover hidden meanings and implied messages to enhance your communication? And why don’t people just say what the f*ck they mean?!
There are many reasons that people may add hidden meanings and implied messages in their communication such as:
to be indirect or subtle about what they want/need from you,
to cover up uncertainty or insecurities,
to protect their ego,
to save face because they don’t want to feel judged,
because they’re uninterested, indifferent, or don’t care
because they’re being dishonest or lying and want to cover it up
Why it matters
If you’re not careful, you may unconsciously interpret what another person is saying in a manner that favors your own desired outcomes, regardless of what they’re saying. Remember, what other people say is their own responsibility, BUT you are responsible for what you understand.
For example, if you already believe this person is agreeable, collaborative, or submissive, if you believe you know their needs/wants, and you also want them to view you in a positive light, approve of you, or “say yes” to your request, you may be more likely to read between the lines in a manner that favors your own needs or desires - despite the true meaning of what they’re saying.
If that is the case, you may be suffering from a case of Happy Ears. Which is where you hear what’s being said, but nevertheless, you interpret it to lean in favor of what you already want to believe. A healthy level of skepticism will curb this tendency.
“Use the power of doubt to question everything you hear. Is it really the truth? Listen to the intent behind words, and you will understand the real message.”
At times, we fail to pay attention to what’s being said due to our own preoccupation with ourselves - how you look, what you think you already know, what you’ll say next, how you’ll get your needs met, etc..
Your existing belief system about the person and the context makes a huge difference in your willingness to engage in question-asking and deep listening, but we encourage you to make this your Gold Standard in all circumstances.
Consider the 55/38/7 Formula
Albert Mehrabian, a researcher of body language, first broke down the components of a face-to-face conversation. He found that communication is 55% non-verbal (body language/facial expressions/situational context), 38% vocal (intonations), and 7% words only.
If you don’t stop to consider what’s in between the lines, you may just find yourself…
feeling dazed, confused, or blind-sided in your relationships,
feeling like different people are continuously breaking their agreements to you,
holding people to expectations they never agreed to be bound by, and
making important decisions based on false information.
It’s easy to blame the other person in these circumstances when in reality, the issue is that you didn’t asking the right questions and listening deeply to people’s responses. You did not collect sufficient information before drawing conclusions and basing important decisions or actions on those conclusions. You’re not holding people accountable for being unclear in their communication with you. You’re not seeking the truthful intent behind peoples words to understand the real message - and therefore, you’re experiencing misunderstandings and disappointment.
It’s also important to note that an inability to read in between the lines may lead you to overlook cultural norms or misunderstand social cues that you’re expected to already know or figure out on your own. These include important details necessary for you to understand what’s really being communicated.
In some cases, the speaker is counting on you missing the intent behind their words, misconstruing the social context, overlooking their omissions, justifying their lack of clarity, or implying a meaning that favors you - because their goal is to manipulate and control you.
Avoid misunderstandings and disappointments.
Make it your mission to figure out what’s really being communicated before you make important decisions based on the information. That means - Do Your Own Research! Understand what’s in between the lines by paying attention to people’s non-verbals and vocal intonations in addition to their words. Follow these steps:
Stop talking - stop mentally preparing a response or rebuttal
Focus on their needs - ask about what they’re trying to accomplish, and compare it to your own goals
Ask clarifying questions - find out their motivations and intentions
Listen deeply to what they say - no need to interrupt, listening does not imply agreement
Take your time to respond accordingly - you don’t need to reply immediately, if necessary, tell them you’ll respond at a later time or date and reject any pressure to respond or make a decision immediately
When people are unsure, give them space - don’t chase them. When you’re unsure, take the time and space you need to process.
If this blog created an internal shift or realization for you, let us know. Inspired by the fifth agreement, “Be Skeptical and Learn to Listen”, in the best-selling book by don Miguel Ruiz and don Jose Ruiz, The Fifth Agreement: A Practical Guide to Self-Mastery.
Stay Edgy-
Coach Oriana Guevára, MHR, MBA
Co-Founder, The Edgy Entrepreneur
© Edgy Entrepreneur, LLC. • 51 E. Jefferson St. #3292, Orlando, FL 32802 • www.edgyentrepreneurs.com
