Your Life Can Either Be A Warning Or An Example
I heard something the other day that struck me as profound — it was said by an instructor in a course I was taking. “Your life can either be a warning or an example.” I sat on this for awhile and wrote down some thoughts about what this could mean, so I wanted to share them with you in this blog in hopes that it sparks you to action on building a life of fulfillment.
Many of us are taught growing up to:
Get good grades
Go to college and study hard
Get a good job
Go to church
Find “the one” and marry them
Buy a house
Have kids, 2 dogs and a cat
Save your money
Then retire and live out your remaining years peacefully
Sound familiar? This is what was pounded into my psyche about how to live life while I was growing up. So much emphasis was put on grades and acceptance letters. Now when I look back, I wonder if I was really living in those years. Sure, I had great friends, worked a job as a teen, had my own car, got into some trouble (like many of us do), got a degree, had a girlfriend, blah, blah, blah. But was I really living in those moments or just passing time to accomplish the next thing on the mandatory list of expectations?
The next question is — am I continuing to do this? Am I am a collection of the ideas I was handed or am creating my own thoughts and my own life and vision I have for it? How about you?
I find that many of us are still living this type of lifestyle. We continue to push toward worldly expectations because its, “What we’re supposed to do,” all the while leaving our dreams and aspirations in the dust of our footsteps because we’re afraid if we act on our dreams/gifts we will be judged by our family, friends, and co-workers.
But let me ask you this — if you left this Earth today, what would you take with you? Or even more profound, what would you leave behind? What did you do that actually mattered? How did you change the world, or the industry you work in, or the community you live in or the child you’re raising? Will these things just become another generational extension of the, “work hard, do your best, pay bills, live within your means, retire and then be happy,” mantra?
This is where the idea of your life being a warning sign or an example to others comes into play. Here it is on a bumper sticker:
“No one is coming to save you. It’s up to you to build your own life. Fail often. Fail forward. Get back up and do it again. Always bet on yourself.”
Living A Meaningful Life
We’re all put here for one reason — to live in service to other people. To use our gifts to serve others or industries. Your gifts will surely be different than mine, but all in all you are here to use them in service to society. Are you doing that?
Finding your vision is the first step. You must have a picture painted in your mind and written down on paper about what your life will look like and then live in service to that vision every day. I see a lot of people taking on all the opportunities that come their way, or jumping from job to job, & relationship to relationship searching for their next hit of “feel good” only to be left with the sensation that something is missing.
The reason this happens is because you have yet to identify your vision. The beautiful thing about identifying your vision is that you can now use it as a guidepost when it comes to saying yes or no to the opportunities that come your way. This is your story and have the opportunity to identify the characters and the plot of it.
The problem is our self-identities are tied up in the things we have, the merit badges, and the accomplishments. Stop attaching yourself to the outcome and attach yourself to the journey that is your vision. No one cares about the cars, the house, the trophy spouse, or the lavish vacations if you’re empty inside.
A meaningful life also means doing meaningful work. Malcom Gladwell defined meaningful work as challenging, autonomous, and having control over how much you can earn. Who can say they have all 3 of these things?
You work should challenge you to stretch yourself. It should be self governing and your income should reflect your output. If you are living in service to your industry, people, or your community while doing this — you have just found meaningful work. There are people waiting for you to show up — are you just going to sit back and live a “normal life?”
Also, we can not define a meaningful life without taking into account emotional intelligence. We often confuse meaningful with the word “happy.” Happiness is an emotion and remember that emotions change daily. If my dog dies tomorrow chances are I won’t be happy. When my life has meaning it means I am living in my purpose and in my vision and I am making a difference no matter what emotions may come my way. And that is beautiful.
It’s a lot easier to find happiness when you’re living a life of meaning.
If you would like to know more about creating a vision for you life I invite you to check our other blog here: https://www.edgyentrepreneurs.com/grow-your-edge-blog/life-vision
Leaving a Legacy
What will people say about you when you’re gone? If you were going to write your own eulogy what would it say about what you’re leaving behind?
As a parent, I put emphasis on my child’s effort versus his outcome. The reason is because you could do everything right and still not get what you want. Then what? Do you fold like a chair and tuck yourself away in a closet or do you get back up, take what you have learned and get back to it? Anyone who is successful will tell you that it takes a ton of failure in order to find success, so why then do we put so much emphasis on the grades rather than what it takes to make good grades.
When we emphasize the outcome by saying, “You did a great job! You’re so smart,” what we’re really doing is telling our children that their worthiness is based on their performance. In other words, you’re only smart when you do a good job. When we reward our kids with gifts because they got good grades, but not when they work hard and still don’t make the grades, we’re telling them rewards only come to those who win.
But is that true? I’m not talking about participation trophies here. You don’t win just by showing up. What I am saying is that I’ve failed many times in my life — as a parent, business owner, spouse, etc. and some of those failures were the most rewarding failures I ever went through. Did it suck while going through the failure? Of course it did, but what I learned from the failure that I could take with me and apply to my next attempt was also worth celebrating.
So what will you leave behind as your legacy? Will be it be that success is the only thing that is rewarded? Or will it be the lessons that lead to success that can only be found in rising above the failures?
Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset
Growth is hard. Point blank. Anyone who has spent time working on growing themselves knows that the process is by no means “fun.” What it’s worth is everything though. After all, you can’t lead anyone else until you are leading yourself first. But what does a growth mindset actually look like? Let’s first identify what a fixed mindset looks like.
Traits of the fixed mindset include:
Blaming others or blaming your circumstances for your failure
I’m not smart enough — or tall enough, or rich enough, or insert other limiting belief
Expecting to be great at something the first time you try it and then never doing it again because you weren’t great the first time
Thinking that if its meant to be it should be easy
Believing that if you do something well once you don’t have to do it again
Never trying new things in fear of not being great at them the first time
Failing and then never trying again
Believing that once you accomplish something great, you no longer have to expand on it
Thinking that only a certain type of person with a certain type of background or financial upbringing can achieve great things
Believing that worthiness is tied to accomplishment
Once I accomplish something THEN I will be somebody
Growth mindset traits:
What did I learn from this failure and how will I use it in my next attempt
Learning from others who have been where you want to go — asking for help
Facing your limiting beliefs
Understanding that there is always a gap between who you are now and who you could become
Intelligence is never finite - I can always learn more
Creating your own motivation
I have to be come the person BEFORE I can have the thing I desire
Controlling your emotions and not making emotional based decisions
Valuing the process
Celebrating the journey rather than solely the outcome
Establishing values and using them as a filter for decisions
Realizing that doing something stupid doesn’t mean I am stupid
In Closing
Your life as a warning has nothing to do with someone saying, “Don’t do what they did.” There are lessons to be learned in what not to do when it comes to specific tasks or failures. Your life as a warning has EVERYTHING to do with someone saying, “Don’t live the way they did.”
Don't close yourself off to your own potential and how that potential would affect someone else who is watching you.
Be present. Love strongly. Contribute to others. Grow yourself constantly. Find motivation. Take action. Be courageous. Fail — a lot. Get back up. Say you’re sorry. Don’t blame others. Live your vision. Find others that share your vision and join hands with them. Ask for help. Be in service to others. Be humble.
Be the example.
Stay Edgy-
Coach Daniel Tribby, ATC, CNP
Co-Founder, The Edgy Entrepreneur
© Edgy Entrepreneur, LLC. • 51 E. Jefferson St. #3292, Orlando, FL 32802 • www.edgyentrepreneurs.com
